Afghanistan Peace CampaignAfghanistan Analysts Network
Breaking the rules: the first serve
In my country, women face challenges in nearly every part of life — especially when it comes to doing something like playing volleyball. Many Afghans still think that women shouldn’t play sports, but there have always been women who’ve challenged these conservative ideas that keep us from going after our dreams. I am one of them.
The first time I held a volleyball, I didn’t realise I was breaking a rule. I just wanted to play. But in Afghanistan, a girl on a sports field is more than an athlete; she is a rebel.
I fell in love with volleyball the first time I served the ball over the net. I was already in high school in Kabul when I started to develop an interest in sports. All week, I looked forward to our physical education classes and was the first to show up, ready to jump in and play whatever sport we were playing that week. There were all sorts – basketball, track and field, football – but it was volleyball that captured my heart. It became more than just a game – it became a part of my identity. I practised every chance I got, even outside school hours. Eventually, I was invited to join the school’s volleyball team. By the time I graduated in 2013, I was a sportswoman and I knew that volleyball was my calling. I took the university entrance exam and was accepted into the Physical Education Institute.
Pushing past the barriers
But not everyone in the family supported my decision. My relatives questioned it. One uncle once asked, “Why would you even study sports? What business does a girl even have in sports?” My parents were worried about what people would say, even though they weren’t against the idea of a daughter in sports themselves. My mother kept repeating a saying we have in Afghanistan: “You can close your front door, but you can’t shut people’s mouths.” But my brother supported me. “We live for ourselves, not for what other people think,” he told them. “Sports are good for everyone — men and women. People who exercise and play sports are healthy and have sound minds. Leave it to me to deal with what people say and let her study what makes her happy.” And with those words, I was allowed to accept the offer to enrol in the Physical Education Institute. I studied hard and trained even harder. In time, I was selected to join the national volleyball team. It’s difficult to explain how proud I felt wearing Afghanistan’s colours and representing my country internationally. I knew that every early morning start and every reproachful glance from others had been worth it.
Finding my stride
Alongside my studies, I joined the Gender Equity Programme at the sports NGO, Free to Run, that empowers women and girls through sports. The programme introduced me to other sports like running and mountain climbing. I ran my first 10-kilometre race in 2016 in Bamyan. my first marathon (42 kilometres) later that same year and, in 2018, I represented Afghanistan in an ultramarathon (250 kilometres) in Mongolia. I did very well in the ultramarathon because all most of the other runners weren’t used to running at such high elevations and struggled a little. But I’m from Kabul, which is one of the highest capitals in the world. I was used to running in thin air and at 1,350 metres, Mongolia’s capital, Ulaanbaatar, is about 400 metres lower than Kabul’s 1,790 metres.
But I also knew that I had to gain other skills that would help me find a career after the one I had mapped out for myself in sports was over. I decided on sports management, and to make that a reality, I began a post-graduate course in Business Administration at Kateb University in 2016. My days were full and hectic. I’d wake up at four in the morning to get ready and leave the house right after the morning prayer to go train with my team. I’d get back home just in time to have breakfast, rest a bit and help my mother with some chores around the house. There was volleyball practice every afternoon at the Olympic Committee and university classes in the evenings. By the time I got home to join my family for dinner, I was exhausted, but very happy.
I trained with 15 other girls. We ran three days a week and on Fridays, we went mountain climbing. For safety reasons, we had to change our routine all the time. This was my life every day. My father was always worried about my safety and also about what the neighbours and people in the family would say:
You’re leaving home so early in the morning that it’s still dark. People will talk and I’m worried about your safety. What if something happens to you? I know we live in Kabul, but many people are still very traditional and narrow-minded – even some of our relatives. They keep asking your mother and me why our daughter is leaving home so very early in the morning. Where’s she going?
I’d reassure my father, telling him I was never alone, that we were a team of fifteen girls and had safe transport. But in my heart, I knew there was truth in what he was saying. Afghan society is still very conservative and women who are perceived to be stepping outside the line are regularly harassed. Even some men on the national volleyball team made us feel unwelcome: “Any girl who plays sports is not a good girl,” they’d say.
Women in Afghanistan often have to fight on two fronts — one outside the home and another one at home. Some, like me, have it easier because they have the support of their families, but many are not as lucky – and for them, the struggle can feel impossible.
Turning my calling into a career
In 2018, I applied for and was selected as a programme officer at Free to Run. This was validation that I had made the right choice and proof to the naysayers that sports were not just fun and games – and they weren’t only for men – that it could offer a career path to women too.
Working full-time meant that my routine had to change. I still left home early to run with my team, but now, instead of taking me home, the driver would drop me off at the office by 8:30. I couldn’t practice volleyball on weekdays anymore, but I was still on the national team and joined the training sessions at the Saramyasht (Afghan Red Crescent Society) on weekend. On match days, I took the day off work and joined the national team on the court.
The experience really changed me. Sports went from being just a personal dream to my way of giving back and being a role model to other girls.
Playing on a new court: leaving home and starting over
When the Islamic Republic of Afghanistan fell in August 2021 and the Taliban retook power, I had to leave the country. The NGO, Free to Run, helped me and my family get to Canada. Leaving Afghanistan was the hardest decision of my life – I left behind my team, my friends and the only life I’d ever known.
My family and I had to get used to our new life in Canada – so very different to what life was like back home – and help each other through those difficult moments of homesickness. I still run every day and I went back to school and earned a diploma in Business Management from Oxford College in Toronto.
I also still work for Free to Run, as a programme manager, in their Omid (Hope) programme, which helps girls in Afghanistan pursue their interest in sports through remote sessions from home. We provide weekly indoor strength and mindfulness training sessions, focusing on mental health and resilience. I also work in the Marketing Department of a company called Blue Mountain in Toronto.
Here in Canada, my days are full again – active and brimming with purpose. I work at Blue Mountain Company from 9 to 5 and go for runs after work. In the evening, I spend about three hours preparing online training sessions for girls back home.
I didn’t know what I would find in Canada when I left Kabul. I certainly didn’t expect a large Afghan community, but there’s one here and many of the girls have expressed an interest in volleyball. So, we’re putting a local Afghan girls’ team together and this summer we plan to start practising. I can’t wait to get back on the court. I still miss the sound of volleyballs on courts in Kabul and the thrill of fans cheering us on.
When I look back at my life, I see a young woman who’s been shaped by her mettle, tenacity and hope. Sports taught me that bravery isn’t the absence of fear — it’s deciding to move forward despite it. In Afghanistan, I learned to run through barriers and in Canada, I’m learning how to run towards what the future offers. I dream of a future when Afghan girls can, one day, play sports openly — not as rebels, but simply as athletes.
Edited by Roxanna Shapour